Are we in a gay sports bar?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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