My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I need a burrito and a hug.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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