Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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