just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
