i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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