that's an acceptable place to lick
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
