I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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