my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
