is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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