god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
