Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
