your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
