Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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