Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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