Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
