I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
