I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
