Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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