Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's always time for handjobs
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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