it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
