Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
