After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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