I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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