this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
