Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
