And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I cut my penus on the lid.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
