So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
