I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
