I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
