So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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