last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
