"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
