The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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