Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
