I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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