Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
