If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
