Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
