Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
