You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
