Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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