toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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