I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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