people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
