Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
