There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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