Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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