i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
