It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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