I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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