We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
