Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
