My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
