is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
