You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
