She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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