The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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