Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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