I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
