I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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