Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
