Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I party with great urgency now.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
