Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
